Don't You Cry No More
by meggiegirlluvdogs
Summary: After the apocalypse, Dean and Cas were both torn to pieces. They had just watched Sam, Dean's brother and Cas's friend, fall into a pit to hell and there was no way to get him back.While Dean turns to anger and drinking, Cas does not Read through the struggles as each character goes through the five stages of grief to cope with the loss of the great hunter.
1. Chapter 1

Hey! This is my new Supernatural fanfiction. It is a lot like my Sherlock one if you've read that. If so, welcome. If you have not read my Sherlock fanfiction and are interested, you can check it out here.

: s/12345728/1/Grief

Wattpad: 306966020-grief-denial

Archive of our Own: /works/9616289?view_full_work=true

This chapter is from Deans point of view but other chapters will focus on Cas as well. I might do a chapter for both of them with each stage of grief but I might skip some depending on the character. Anyway, Enjoy!

 _A week After Swan Song._

 **Dean** :

Dean sat in his parked Impala. Memories flooded over him. The graveyard. Sam. It was hitting him like a boulder to his face. They had been through a lot before. Heck In all their adventures hunting together, he had watched his brother die at least four times. He himself had died more than he could count. So how was this any different?

He looked around the mostly vacant car. To many people, the 1967 Chevy Impala was just a valuable car. To Dean Winchester, It was his home. The car was old and had been fixed by both Dean and his father John. It had been scratched and windows had been broken by many of the different monsters and demons that they had over the years. The seats had been torn and the body had been dented. Even with all the damage, it had gone through, Dean still treasured the Impala.

It was like his scrapbook. Every dent and scratch told of a different memory. Every so often he would look at the spot right under the back left window where he and Sam had carved their names as kids. They had been stuck in the car as they were driving to a hotel in Nevada. Tired and lonely, Sam and Dean carved their names into the soft fabric. It marked the car as theirs and was still there.

Above their names was the ash tray. In the small compartment, there was a small army man stuck. Sam had stuck it into space on a car track and after many attempts over the years, they still couldn't remove the green toy. It was one of the few toys Sam had as a kid. Dean had gotten it for him once when they were at a gas station. Dean chuckled as he relived this memory. Toys were rare for the brothers and the cheap toy had bought a huge smile to Sammy's face that Dean would never forget. The toy was worth way more than the 50 cents he had paid for it.

Every winter, they would turn on the heat in the long drives in the cold. They would always hear the same rattling sound. It was the sound of a bunch of Legos that Dean once got stuck in the air vent. The sound used to drive John crazy. To Dean, the sound was comforting. It was something to rely on. All of the quirks were. In the hard life of a hunter, nothing seemed to stay the same. Life was driving to and from cheap hotels and quickly tracking monsters There was never much time to relax. Just the simple eccentricities of the car made Dean feel safe. It gave Dean a home.

Although the car may be old and broken, it was his and nobody could take that from him.

Dean sighed as he sat back in his seat. How had everything gone so wrong? They used to be kings. They went from crossing the country and saving people along the way to stopping the freaking apocalypse.

He never knew it would come to this point. He wished that he could go back in time. He wishes he could have prevented all of this. Deep in his heart, he knew that even going back in time wouldn't help. He was gone.

There must have been something I could have done. he thought. There's always a way. I need to bring him back. Dean wracked his brain, desperate for some way to bring his little brother back. He would do anything to have him alive. He had sold his soul and he could do it again. Anything to bring his Sammy back.

After hours of searching, Dean finally gave up. both heaven and hell were in ruins. There was no way he could find a demon, let alone one that would help him. The Angels were in a desperate search for a new leader. Cas had left him to try and fix heaven and be a leader for his people. That couldn't be going to well.

Dean reached into the back seat of the Impala, desperate for something that could help with the pain. He pulled out an old bottle of tequila. It was almost empty but tequila was tequila so he swallowed the amber liquid down in one big gulp. A familiar burn filled his dry throat. HIs throat was still torn up from crying.

John would be ashamed of me. I shouldn't have shed a tear. I am weak. He tried to ignore the voice of his father filled his brain. It was something he had struggled with his whole life. Whenever he thought it had stopped he heard the disapproving voice again.

Dean cursed at the voice as he took another swig from the bottle. A single drop fell into his mouth. He knew it was empty but he was desperate. The warmth of the drink receded quickly, doing little to help his raw throat. He desperately wished for Cas zap next to him. Cas usually could heal him from any injuries. But Cas was busy in heaven. His healing powers couldn't do much to help his grief.

It was late and the dim synthetic glow of the motel nearby was the best source of light he had. Stars speckled the black sky. Dean relaxed in his seat, craving just a few minutes of sleep. He hadn't been sleeping more than a few minutes that whole week and he knew enough about mental health to know that that was not good. Every time he closed his eyes, he was filled with vivid nightmares, forcing him to relive the scarring events of that day. No matter what he did, Dean could not sleep. Instead, he looked out at the stars and wondered about how Cas was doing. He sat there until the light of the morning sun filled the Impala, conquering the night.

I'm sorry this chapter is really short. I plan on making the other one's longer but I rushed this one. Anyway, Thanks for reading! Since it is summer, I plan to get a steadier schedule for uploading but we'll see how that goes. (Yay! Procrastinating!) I hope you enjoyed and I will see you next chapter. (lol I really need to come up with a better way to end these things.) Bye!


	2. Denial (Cas)

div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="59f1k-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="59f1k-0-0"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Hey. I'm sorry this took so long. I went camping and did not have wifi for a week. :( but I'm back! I am going to try to upload again really soon. I loved writing this chapter because Cas is my favorite character. 3 I love him. I apologize for the weird angel name I had a hard time trying to find a name for a minor character Angel. I didn't want to use a name that was already used. (sorry if I accidentally did.) The chapter after this will be anger from Deans point of view. That should be fun! (angry squirrel time.) anyway, enjoy and please leave comments on what you think and on how I can improve. It helps a lot. Thanks/em!/div  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;"Cas sat up in the white emptiness of heaven. He looked at the chaos that surrounded him. How am I going to clean up all this mess? He thought to himself hearing the murmuring of angels in the distance. He could feel their judgmental gaze on him without looking up. He had better at telling when people were staring. He couldn't blame them. Cas had denied all orders to help the Winchesters. He was a disgrace to heaven. He would stare too. Cas had gotten used to it./p  
/div  
div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="bqejr-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="bqejr-0-0"The Winchesters./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="2nfnp-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="2nfnp-0-0"Hateful accusations filled his idle mind. It was all his fault. He could have done something. He let them down. He always had./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="rqbs-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="rqbs-0-0"Cas told himself that none of this was true. He couldn't have done anything. It was planned since the beginning of time and could not have been changed. Sam had to take his role./div  
/div  
div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="6jroc-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="6jroc-0-0"These thoughts only made things worse. He needed something to blame it on and couldn't shake the idea that he had caused this. If only he had broken orders sooner, the seals wouldn't be broken. Lucifer would never have been released./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="a0n5g-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="a0n5g-0-0"He looked up from the floor where he had been sitting. A crowd had started close him in. His eyes traced down their gray suits to their hands. The angels' hands held drawn angel blades. Cas moved his attention back to their faces, suddenly scared. One of the angels spoke, her voice calm and smooth. "Castiel" she said, "We heard that you denied orders to help the Winchesters. You know that was foolish. You better not do it again." She looked at the other angels who drew their blades. She continued speaking. "You know what happens to people who don't follow orders from heaven." Cas looked back to the ground, bracing himself for the worse./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="qmkt-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="qmkt-0-0"One of the angels kicked him hard on his side, forcing him to his back as he cradled the injured side. He raised his blade but the other angels pulled him back "Ambriel" the girl said, pulling him aside. "Not yet." Ambriel's face turned from anger to disappointment. His eyes scaled the damaged angel on the ground in front of him. He walked closer to Cas who was now in a protective ball. Ambriel looked at him like he was an old pile of dirt. He spits on Cas's face before he left. "Take this as a warning," he said. the whole group walked off, leaving Cas helpless on the ground./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="flcit-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="flcit-0-0"Using his arms, Cas managed to lift himself up. It was far from the worst injuries he had gotten. That didn't mean it was not terribly painful. His whole side filled with burning pain as he struggled to limp forward. He realized he should really get out of the public./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="7t88q-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="7t88q-0-0"With nowhere else to go, Cas headed to the one spot he knew he could be alone, the library./div  
/div  
div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="17sgn-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="17sgn-0-0"The library was in a far corner of heaven and was forgotten by many of the angels. The abandoned building was quite literally falling apart at its' seems. The many stained glass windows were cracked and shattered. The old wooden roof was barely holding the weight of the tower. It was a mess. Cas loved it. He opened the frail wooden doors and walked inside. What the outside lacked, the inside made up for./div  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;" /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px;" The Library was a slim tower. Cas looked up and sighed. The building was only one level but went on forever into the sky. Each shelf was filled to the brim with books. Every book ever was written was stored in the library. Some were written just days ago, some were as old as time itself. The library was Cas's favorite spot in all of heaven. With all that was going on, he had not visited the space for years. It was a good spot to think. The library contained no chairs or tables. Cas laid down on the cool marble floor in the center of the room, looking up at the endless shelves./p  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="fm6ug-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="fm6ug-0-0"After all that had happened, what was he supposed to do next? It still didn't feel right. He couldn't believe Sam was dead. Dean couldn't be taking it well. In the little time, he spent with the Winchester's Cas realized one thing. The Winchesters didn't have much. They accepted that. The one thing they had to rely on was each other. Without Sam, Cas worried endlessly about Dean. He had lost so much without breaking. Would this be the thing that finally shattered Dean Winchester?/div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="5arja-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="5arja-0-0"Cas thought about visiting Dean ti check in with him. He was afraid that would make things worse. He had not seen Dean since the apocalypse. Cas was afraid that seeing Dean broken would kill him. He kept saying that he needed to help fix heaven as an excuse to why he won't visit. Even though heaven was a mess, he didn't have anything to do up there. No one would listen to him anyway. He was just picked on and bullied because he rebelled. He didn't fit in anywhere. Not on earth and certainly not in heaven. So Cas stayed in the library whenever possible. He only took short breaks through the day to go out fir fresh air. It was the only place he felt safe./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="58tp5-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="58tp5-0-0"The library was the only place he felt at home. In the library, nothing could happen to him. He had already messed up enough. He was afraid that he would mess someone else's life up like he had already ruined the Winchesters'./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="7qqql-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="7qqql-0-0"The library was Cas's own private prison. From that day forward, he promised himself that he would never leave. It turned out that even the small breaks were too much./div  
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div class="" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" data-block="true" data-editor="624ut" data-offset-key="bfma9-0-0"  
div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="box-sizing: border-box;" data-offset-key="bfma9-0-0"Cas stopped thinking and closed his eyes. He longed to sleep like the humans could. It was the only way he could escape his mind. Instead, Cas laid flat, closing his eyes tight enough to forget the world around him. He clenched his fists hard enough to leave carved marks in his hands. As the night continued on earth, Cas stayed, thinking about when life was easy. He thought about all the good times he spent with Sam and Dean for the rest of the earthly night. /div  
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	3. Anger (Dean)

Hey. I'm sorry that didn't upload correctly. I don't know if many people are reading this. I'm sorry I've been taking really long breaks from writing. I've been busy and I'm losing motivation to write this. Do you want me to continue his story? I won't keep writing it if not many people are reading. This was a very fun chapter to write because Dean's anger is a big personality trait in the show. It shows how he deals with situations. Ok..Ok. It's boring and technical. I know I'm weird. Please comment with your honest opinions and critiques. They help me to improve. Thanks, and enjoy!

Dean sat in an old motel. He had left his car as he had started to get crowded in the small Impala. He had checked into the cheapest motel. Without his usual energy, Dean had not been able to "earn" money through credit card theft. He was running out of money. The old place looked like it had gone through a lot. It's paint-chipped walls and stained carpet showed years of use without cleaning. Dean took a seat one the worn bed. The springs groaned under the added weight. The neon light glared offensively through the dirty window. The sign read PENNYVILLE CHEAP MOTELS. He rubbed his tired eyes. The motel wasn't any worse than the places he had visited with Sam while hunting. Without Sam around, the motel had a lingering gloom and darkness.

The motel resembled many of the places he and Sam had stayed at. He couldn't help but remember all the good times they had had together. He had been hunting with Sam for years nonstop. Since he was a young boy, Dean had to help train Sam to be a hunter. Dean had been used to taking care of his little brother. He remembered dreading watching over Sam while his dad went on a hunting trip. He would see Sam as only an annoyance. It got in the way of him living a normal teenage life. Now, Sam was gone and for the first time in a long time, Dean was alone. He couldn't stand it.

Slowly, Dan's loneliness transformed into rage. How could Sam leave him? What about everything I had done for him? He paced the small room, angry thoughts filling his weary, oblivious to the world around him, Dena screamed. He screamed at Cas. He screamed at Sam. But most of all he screamed at himself. How could he let this happen? How could he lose his brother again? This time, Sam couldn't come back. No matter how much time Dean spent trying to find a way to bring him back, he knew it would never happen. Dean cursed. HIs voice filled the room with his blasphemy. He knew that Sam wanted him to have a normal life. That's not what Dean wanted.

The only thing that Dean wanted was a way to bring his brother back. He had promised Dad he would protect Sam. He had failed had always failed. He failed Dad, he failed Cas, and now, he failed Sammy. Dean felt worthless. All his mistakes he had hidden behind jokes and alcohol flooded his mind.

After so much time protecting his brother, he was gone. Sam was gone and it was his was not worth living without him. With Sam dead and Cas was gone, Dean had nowhere to turn. There was nothing to distract him from his deadly thoughts. Not this he ran out of people to blame, he cursed at Cas. He's an angel. He had to have been able to find a way to save him. He dragged him Dean out, why couldn't he save Sam? Inside he knew there wasn't a way. Even an angel wouldn't be able to retrieve him from the hours of screaming into the oblivion, Dean sat back on the bed. His voice was hoarse and his legs shaky.

Dean felt a tear slide down his cheek. He grabbed the beer by his bed and took a desperate swig. The alcohol stung his sore throat. He couldn't count how many he had today. Five? Six?Dean looked longingly at the gun on the bedside stand. He picked it up feeling the familiar weight in his hand. He pointed the barrel to his head and took a deep breath. It would be easy. He knew what to do. It would be quick. Eyes closed he counted down.

3... tears streamed quickly now down Dean's face.

2...his breath became shallow. His heart beat harder and harder in his chest like it was trying to break out of his body.

1...his hand shaking, Dean slowly lowered the gun. He couldn't do it.

He thought of his promise to Sam. His voice replayed in Sam's head. It was soft and sad with a desperate undertone.

"You go find Lisa. You pray to she's dumb enough to take you in, and you – you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple pie life, Dean. Promise me."Promise me.

He made a promise. He couldn't break it. Dean threw the gun back onto the table and laid down. A normal life. How could he do that? Everything that he loved, he lost. But he had to. As Dean laid on the motel bed, drunk and alone, he remembered the promise. Looking up at the stained ceiling, his hoarse voice barely croaked out a few words.

"I promise Sammy. I will live."

That sentence stayed with him for the rest of the night. For the first time in two months, Dean finally had something to live for. _I won't let you down, Sammy._


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